swan

she has never felt sexy. ok i take that back, there was this one time… yeah i think she felt a little sexy then. she’s has this complex. like the ugly duckling, mixed with the awkward turtle thing. she’s a turtle mixed with a duck… totally, that’s exactly what i was thinking of.  she still hasn’t decided if she’s a swan yet, but what she realized on this day, is no one but she is going to get her there. not only that, she is, because he thinks she’s not. say that ten times really fast. no matter what you want to blame it on, daddy issues, low funds, thunder thighs, or a love for being the drummer in an all boys band, she has struggled her whole life to feel like a woman, a goddess, sexy, a classic beauty… comfortable. she’s bold, however. she looks for the swan each day, searching for the reason she was created and called beauty. this day was particularly hard for her to see that swan stare back at her. i think someone scared it away. but in her awkwardness and sadness, she found a patch of smooth water. 

she pulls up to the new unfamiliar, yet old proverbial. she had this most amazing feeling of sliding her bare feet, coyly onto the wooden floor as her toes said a shy but relieved hello. what made her feel sexy today? her toes on the bare floor, each one, explores the next inch, while they get to know each other again. what made her feel at ease today? they way her legs and arms willingly followed, flowed, and stirred as the music dropped around her. what made her feel comfortable today? that some will never know what a Martha Graham shift or a Hubbard Street 5th means, or what it especially means to her. what made her feel singularly beautiful today? herself. herself. herself. with raspberries on her feet, and bruises on her shoulders, her hips melted, her arms followed, her knees softened, and her toes griped the floor, she remembered, she was home and home made her feel beautiful.